Stamford Family Law Blog

After divorce, do not keep secrets regarding your children

Even divorced parents must know how to communicate well with one another regarding the children. Remember that your obligations to the child remain, even when your marriage is over.

One important thing for you and your ex to agree on is that you will not keep secrets regarding the children. You will be open and honest.

How to tell if your spouse is hiding assets

Hiding assets is easiest if your spouse is fairly hands-off with the finances during the marriage. That's the first red flag that you should look for. If you do not really handle the money while you're married and then you file for divorce, your spouse may assume that you do not have an accurate picture of what your assets even look like. This can tempt them to hide some of these assets to keep them from you when you divide up what you own.

As such, your first steps should be looking into the finances, making lists of assets, writing down exactly what assets you control -- to the last cent -- and gathering as much information and documentation as possible. Do not take a hands-off approach. Know exactly what you should expect.

Can children choose where they live after divorce?

When working through a divorce with your spouse, if you have children together, one of the biggest issues you'll have is determining how you will divide custody and where the kids will live. In some cases, parents can work this out between themselves. In other cases, the court has to help them if they cannot agree.

One common divorce myth, though, is that the children get to pick where they live. This worries some parents. What if your 10-year-old decides that they want to live with your ex full-time and you rarely get to see them? Is that all it takes to cut them out of your life?

The first step toward bringing up divorce

For many people, it's not hard to understand why they want a divorce. Where they struggle is putting that desire into action. They don't want to talk to their spouses about it and they dread having the conversation.

One of the key first steps in the process, then, is asking themselves why they feel that way. Here are a few questions that may help:

  • Do you think your spouse may assume it's a joke or not take your wishes seriously?
  • Do you think that your spouse may physically harm you?
  • Do you want to avoid causing your spouse emotional harm?
  • Do you worry about the impact that this is going to have on the kids?
  • Are you concerned that you might change your mind after you say it?
  • Do you worry about simply putting the information out there, wondering what people will think when they hear?

Can I avoid paying alimony in Connecticut?

If you are going through a divorce, you likely have some negative feelings toward your ex. You may believe that they have exhibited behaviors that you would consider to be selfish, and you may also feel that they are trying to take advantage of you.

If this is the case, you may be concerned that your former spouse may be planning to obtain an alimony order, even if you believe that they do not have the right to it. An alimony order results in the higher-earning spouse being ordered to pay a certain financial sum for a specified period of time after the divorce. If you want to avoid being ordered to pay alimony, it is important that you plan ahead and take the time to understand the law.

Shared parenting can be an emotional roller-coaster

Sharing parenting time with your ex may not always be simple. Even when the agreement is simple in theory -- you get 50% of the time with the kids and so does your ex, for instance -- it still becomes an emotional roller-coaster.

That's exactly the type of parenting-time division one woman had, and she said it could be a bit conflicting to deal with. Even after she had been doing it for years, she still struggled with it.

Marriage after 32 could end in divorce

Many people who get married later in life -- in their 40s or 50s, for instance -- have to deal with a lot more complications if they get divorced. They have significant financial assets. They have retirement accounts. They own businesses. They have investments. They own homes, cars, boats and vacation cottages.

Divorce is not just about splitting up financial assets, but there's no doubt that it's a big part of the process. The more you have, the harder this becomes.

You can bring up a prenuptial agreement before getting engaged

People often worry about having the prenuptial agreement conversation because they fear that the person they're engaged to is going to be angry or hurt. Are they basically telling their partner that they don't think the marriage is going to last?

The key thing to remember is that a prenup is just a precaution. It does not mean you think that the marriage will end in divorce. It just means that, if something does happen, you want to be ready for it from a legal standpoint.

One reason happy couples split up

Not all couples who get divorced are inherently unhappy. Not all of them argue constantly. Abuse isn't always an issue. From the outside, they appear to be happy and well-adjusted, and most of their friends and family members would be shocked to hear that they're thinking about divorce.

These divorces do happen for many reasons, but let's take a look at one specific one: poor communication tactics. Studies have found that those who get divorced tend to be worse at communication than those who stay together.

The key to co-parenting: Shared intent and effort

Co-parenting, or working with your ex to parent your children after a divorce, can get very complicated. The two of you no longer live together and you may not be on good terms. All the same, you need to work together, communicate and coordinate your lives. Doing so successfully is in your children's best interests, and it's a necessity if you have court-ordered joint custody.

The key to doing this well, experts often say, lies in a shared experience. You need to have a shared intent with your ex: The intent to give your children the best possible life and to be good parents after the divorce. You also need to have shared effort, meaning you will work together to make things easier, just like parents who are still married.

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